im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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