Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
