You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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