WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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