i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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