So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
