Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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