just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
