I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
