I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
