The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my shit smells like andre
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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