Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
