Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
