11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
