names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
