it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have post one night stand depression
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
