AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
