She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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