I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
