they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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