my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
