Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
NoShamevember. You game?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
