But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
