Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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