Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
