I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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