Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
