Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
