Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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