i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
