You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
