his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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