I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
