Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
