Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
