I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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