Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
