I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
