Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
