I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
