I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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