When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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