I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
