omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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