Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
