This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
