OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
