why didn't you poke me back
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
