be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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