This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
