I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
